12 (first mother’s day)

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my first mother’s day. it started with an hour to sleep in while tim tended to hazel. then there was breakfast in bed, and hazel holding a sign her dada helped her to make, which said, “happy birthday mommy. love, hazel + daddy.”

tim took hazel back downstairs while i enjoyed my breakfast in bed. alone. which was nice, that peace, but really i was sorta missing my family. my family.

and that tray upon which breakfast arrived reminded me of the week following hazel’s birth. that week when i was on bed rest and didn’t leave except to use the bathroom or to pick up my crying babe if no one else was around, or if they’d let me. i wanted so badly to be able to stand up and rock her, pace the floor with her, walk outside to see the sun and the peonies in the yard. it was so hard not to be able to.

nearly a year later, i’m enjoying breakfast in bed again, but this time because my husband brought it to me just because. because i’m a mama.

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this girl has changed so many things about me. she has changed me deep. i kept thanking her today for letting me be her mama. what a gift to be her mama.

we had dinner with my mom and grandma and lots of other members of our family today in lansing, too. that was a sweet time. we got a photograph of 4 generations. my “buc”, my mom (her firstborn/daughter), me (my mother’s firstborn/daughter), and hazel (my firstborn/daughter). that’ll be a keeper. what a great line of women i come from.Image

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