here is jesus

anne lamott, in her book “operating instructions: a journal of my son’s first year,” a book that tim sometimes reads aloud to me and hazel during feedings, wrote, “this, a man scrubbing a new mother’s bathtub, is what jesus means to me.” yes, Jesus who came to serve, not to be served.

i haven’t put my birth story up here yet (and i will eventually do that, i promise), but the recovery part has been about lots of dependence as I adjust to new motherhood, while also sporting an injured leg, some war wounds, and lost blood. many moments i’ve felt completely in over my head.

but here is Jesus:

my mom flexing her work time to come stay with us, bringing us breakfast (and lunch and dinner) in bed and keeping the house in running order for days

my husband cleaning up after me when i lost control of my bladder, without even making me feel embarrassed, and tenderly standing by me so that i can shower safely

jeremy and dustin mowing our lawn without being asked

harvey wrangling up a team of friends from love feast to help remove all the bags of old sod from our new garden before it killed the lawn sitting there

charis photo-documenting two events that i really longed to be at but couldn’t; she did it so i could feel as though i had been there

coop making me beans and rice with avocados for lunch on the first day tim was back to work and i was alone with hazel

jenn delivering her homemade granola and good reading material, and more importantly descending on our house at the end of a particularly hard day to soothe our inconsolable girl and to pray over us all in such a way that the shalom came swiftly in and did not depart until morning

tony holding hazel after morning prayer and whispering over her what i can only assume were blessings and prayers, because that’s what tony would be whispering

heather bringing me marie catrib’s for lunch and eating it in bed with me while cuddling my girl

marguerite’s amused compassion as she soothes a sobbing mother (me) who feels like her life has just been ruined and will never be the same again

justin being so obviously proud and pleased and uncle, as well as one other unspecified act of kindness

my uncle chuck driving over from lansing to give me a much-needed chiropractic adjustment in the comfort of my own bed, twice

friends from the boiler room coming by each day at 10 am to ask us what chores they can do (sweep and mop floors, laundry, move furniture, do dishes, take out trash)

chelsea staying past her volunteer helper hour, during which she changed the sheets and cleaned the bathroom, and finding more things to do that i did not ask her to do

lea and dustin bringing over sun tea from across the ally on a hot evening and cooing at hazel

nick calling from the farmer’s market to see if i need anything, and then bringing it

friends signing up to bring us meals more days than not, and meals that are really special and thoughtful, like oases in desert-like days

numerous encouraging emails, texts, and facebook messages reminding us that we’re being prayed for and reassuring us that we are doing a good job

and there is more, i am sure, things i’ve failed to record here. but my gratitude this morning was deep and i wanted to record it. because Jesus comes to me in all these places, through all these people, and He reminds me of how real His gospel is, that it turns folks into servants just because of love.


3 thoughts on “here is jesus

  1. You are sooooo blessed! You are soooooo loved! …in material things, in emotional ways, in spiritual realms… In the midst of so much chaos and feeling out of control, Jesus is especially clear. love you xo

  2. Dear Brooke, congratulations on your daughter’s entrance to the world! I don’t know all the details, but yes–in all the wonder and exhaustion and intensity of it all, it’s never quite as we expected, is it? I love “Operating Instructions”–good choice, Tim. I can’t think of one thing to compare to the experience of becoming a parent (speaking as one whose children have grown up to become precious friends). All will be well. Love–Regina

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