i have pregnancy mask that seems to be darkening every day, and i work hard to cover it with make-up each morning. thankfully, most people who notice it assume i’ve been out in the sun with large sunglasses on.
i am talking to my daughter each day about my feelings, my hopes, my wishes for her and for the birth we’re about to go through together.
i am watching home birth videos again, and feeling so inspired by the peace and focus and laboring love of other mothers, and being bolstered in my sense of “i can do this.”
i am feeling gushy with gratitude for my homebirth midwives. seriously, this way of being cared for during pregnancy is unmatched in how personal, empowering, and nurturing it is. sara and jen are going to hold a special place in my heart for a very long time.
i am crying at things that normally would not make me cry, like The Time Traveler’s Wife (movie), after which i said to tim, through tears, “i’m glad you don’t have a time traveling disease!”
i awake in the night with ever-harder braxton hicks contractions that cause me to have to get up and rock on my hands and knees until they dissipate.
i am anxiously keeping track of baby’s position in my womb, and praying for her to move into place.
i am wandering into the completely ready nursery each day to look around and sigh and wish that it were filled with her.
i am bored but don’t want to commit to anything, either. this means i spend a lot of time at home, alone.
i asked tim recently, out of desperate desire for more satisfying sleep, if we could try sleeping in separate places for these last days. we piloted the study last night and i’m not sure it’s going to be very helpful.
i am trying to resist the urge to do online shopping.
i can no longer wash dishes because my belly forces me to do some bizarre stretching/leaning that create pain and tension in my shoulders and back. if i DO do the dishes, i have to stand side-ways to the sink.
i am running out of things to do to further prepare for her arrival.
i am ready for her to come out!
(12 days until due date)