oh sun and crisp fresh air, warm enough to open up the windows a crack for a cross-breeze to flow, re-energizing these closed-up rooms; springy enough to inspire even me — the one who rarely cleans — to really scrub down the upstairs bathroom.
it will snow again, to be sure, and there will be many more very cold days before spring is here, but all the same, we’re moving in the direction. in fact, this weekend we all get to turn our clocks ahead one hour. isn’t this a hallmark of impending spring?
and as spring comes closer, so does the birth of my baby girl. even as i type this, she is gently turning in my belly. these days she’s not doing much developing except to gain weight and mature lungs, so that she’ll be cozy to hold and breathing free when she makes her appearance in about 10 weeks.
spring is bringing changes, brought by decisions made in response to my gut longings. it might be that getting closer and closer to the most instinctual, bodily act i may ever do (giving birth) is responsible for this. but my gut started to do some screaming about carving out a private space for our soon-to-be reconfigured family unit; it started hinting that this might be a season for drawing inward, circling the wagons, focusing all energy on new life (mine, baby’s, my marriage’s). and that started to mean that we needed to take a fresh look at our community living plans. see, we have this housemate, and she’s great (i don’t know if you could imagine a more thoughtful housemate), and she is here because we believe in the joy of shared life, not to mention the financial benefits for all parties. but she’s going to move herself out now, before the baby arrives, and for quite some time after this birth it will just be tim, me, and baby in this house. i know this is right.
and my gut also began to clamor for attention on the matter of where i would be giving birth, and with whom present. the end result of this is a revisiting of the home birth possibility, which is the way that i have always wanted it to be. but it seemed like an impossibility, so we made some compromises, compromises about which i’ve had growing dis-ease. as it turns out, there are some beautiful and capable home birth midwives so passionate about the right of women to give birth in their own homes, that they will work with you through bartering and payment plans and sliding fee scales in order to make it a reality. on monday tim and i will meet with one such midwife and one such doula, and i am very hopeful. deep runs the joy and relief that accompanies the thought of being in our own sweet, spirit-filled home while i labor and deliver.
and spring is reawakening me to some basic truths, as i study inner healing prayer (that gift the Holy Spirit saw fit to deposit in me and then to water and grow). like the truth that i’m an empty cup, lest i sit still before my Father to be filled. like the truth that intimacy with my Jesus is THE prize of my salvation, and the first priority, out of which all other ministry flows. like the truth that He wants me to KNOW Him before He wants me to DO for Him. this calls for some reordering of my days, in order to put in proper place that time sitting with Him. i know that i tend to seek Him mostly for marching orders or for provision. and He’s showing me that those are not to be the first things anymore.
come along, then, spring, we are ready for your new life.
meantime, i have some precious house guests to look forward to, the first set of which is going to be here any second: my dear little SIL, amanda, and her friend kelsey, driven in from madison to stay a few days over their spring break. and then, in a couple of weeks it’ll be all but one of tim’s brothers and their wives and kids, coming from pittsburgh, milwuakee, and madison. oh, joy, to pass some of this waiting season in their company.