and on a friday night, i ramble

it’s friday night. we’ve just had home-made pad thai and shared a bottle of chilled white wine. t is trying to get our scanner to work so that we can scan in our signed copy of the purchase agreement (offer) we’re putting in on a house in stockbridge. if it doesn’t work, we’ll be calling on jake pretty quickly here to use his.

yes, we’re making an offer on a house. it has the same address as the other, only one block north. and it feels just right. i hesitate to say “this is it” because i’ve said that twice already and was wrong. by now i know that Papa is preparing a place for us, but that He is also full of surprises. His imagination is far more vast than my own. so, i am willing to say, “i don’t know” but also “i hope.”

i’ve been thinking a lot about paint colors and flooring and gardens (peonies, poppies, wheat, raspberries, lupine, sweat peas –  all in a wild tangle).

i’ve been thinking about what it will be like to raise a child in this sweet, sweet neighborhood we’ll soon be calling home.

we’ll not get into this house — even if our offer is accepted — for at least two months, because it is a short sale. this means we’ll stay a while somewhere else. i’m grateful to have friends and family willing to take us in until things settle with our housing situation. God’s timing in this is wise. by the time we will likely close on the house, i’ll have had time to earn some income through photography, tim will have some paychecks under his belt from Hope Network,  and we’ll have a returned security deposit from our apartment in Madison…. and we will not have to borrow money for closing costs, we think.

four weeks left here in madison. four brief weeks. we need to purge in order to pack well. but we purged only last year when we moved. so perhaps there won’t be tons of that.

i have a job that i love, which needs to be finished well. i’m making a book of favorite recipes — previously stored only in my head — as a parting gift to leave to that place. i’ve loved that job. it makes me so happy to see those small faces pressed up against the glass of the kitchen door, waving and smiling. and the other small faces of the two year olds who wander into my kitchen at various points to tell me what they are doing and to inquire about what i am doing. they are so very precious and i will sincerely miss them all.

i want to have a child of my own. and quickly.

we’ve been with family here more often lately. sunday dinners and evening prayer sessions with linda-mom and lon-dad. we’ve been trying to show up for amanda in her activities, and are excited that nonny is back in town for the summer months. we’re hoping for opportunity soon to have a lingering meal with nathan and kristen, and a trip to see dan and jess (and those darling boys we call nephews). the collier clan is wiggling deeper into my heart, especially now as we stand poised to put a giant lake between us. go figure.

t took a bike that previously was not ride-able and made it into something that’s a smooth ride. i love that he has done this. more to come, i am sure, once he has a garage to use as a workshop for his “man hobbies.”

i love this photography thing i’ve got going on. if you haven’t done so already, please visit me here or here to see some of what i’ve been up to. i’m assisting on a wedding tomorrow and then doing two senior portrait sessions in the next two weeks. and  i’m so happy to have several sessions booked within the first two weeks of being back in Michigan — a few family sessions and two weddings! i hope for more. not only because it earns income but because there is so much life in this activity for me. i find such pleasure in it. i couldn’t stop if i wanted to. also, i love watching myself grow and mature as photographer, making better images even as i have been unable to upgrade my equipment. this means that when the [glorious] day arrives in which i can upgrade my lenses and camera body and computer, i’ll feel as though i’m truly ready for it; because i’ve learned how to milk the more inferior tools for all they’re worth and make something lovely from them… imagine what i could do with an upgrade in tools!

meanwhile, in the deeper places, i’m being brought into something i think i would call humility. i’m praying that that characteristic would be birthed in me, and get a good foothold. i feel it’s part of the preparation He is doing now, before we move.

and now i’ll say goodnight.

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One thought on “and on a friday night, i ramble

  1. i like how you articulated being in that spot of waiting and trusting where you can say “i hope” but also “I don’t know.” That seems such a beautiful picture of submission and trust. and I quite feel in the same place a lot this summer…

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