better off without it

our month-long “fast” on facebook and other social media is only about three-quarters of the way through, but already i’ve drawn some conclusions. already, and in spite of the fact that i haven’t been very pure in my keeping of this fast, i can see that my life is not made better by facebook or the reading of blogs. in some ways, it is probably made a touch worse.

i can see already that without it as a fall-back activity into which i rush at those moments when i’m not sure what to do next, i choose things that have more life and more fruit. i have been more creative in these last three and a half weeks. and more present. and my mind less noisy. i have made things, both good things to eat and things out of fabric.

i have been outside, eating meals or sipping a beverage on the front porch or in the yard, sometimes alone during hazel’s naps, sometimes the tree of us sharing a meal, and sometimes outside with friends. watering the garden and spending many moments examining the soil for the first signs of seedlings, which always thrill me to discover. outside holding my baby’s hand as she walks more and more like a big girl, side-by-side with me, up and down the sidewalk and through the grass.

and my business has not, i don’t think, suffered form my facebook absence. i’ve popped onto facebook here and there to address business messages, to update a business status, or to upload a photo. but i don’t think it’s made much of a difference. i am more confident in my identity as a creative artist now, more sure of the product that i offer and the heart that i carry into it that makes my photography its own, valuable thing. that tends to make me strive a little less to “sell” myself and my work. still, i’m not sure it is a prudent thing to ditch facebook and other social media altogether when one is trying to build and maintain this sort of business, so i know i won’t be giving into that unthinkable dream of going off the facebook grid.

and i have found that pinterest actually hold potential to enhance my life a bit. for instance, it taught me how to make my own deodorant and “beach hair” hair spray, both of which i did this week. and it’s brought me to many delicious and wholesome recipes that i’ve been trying out. and it has given me inspiration and guidance in making a crafted present for hazel’s first birthday. pinterest, if you actually step back and DO the things it aims to inspire you to do, can enhance life. a bit.

and blogs. well, there are probably only a small number that actually are worth sticking to. and they are the ones that talk to me about how to be a whole-hearted and present mom, and how to press into Jesus for each day’s needs. i sense that a purging of blog subscriptions might be in order.

facebook. oh, love and hate mingled! what an ambivalent relationship. but i’m thinking that keeping it within the confines of one, maybe two, days of each week will be the new normal. because i love the freedom of mind and time that has come from keeping it within bounds this month.

so there’s where i’m at. and here’s some of the beauty i’ve been indulging in and creating during this fast:

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on this day

on this day…

… i walked the two blocks to the prayer garage and spent some time praying and worshiping with my friends before the day got going at full speed.

…i ran errands for three hours. discovered costco with my new membership and came back with brown rice, quinoa, chia seeds, maple syrup, agave nectar, and cinnamon. picked up photos at my lab, some for my mama for a gift, and some for hazel’s birthday party. got some craft supplies at joanne fabrics.

…i gathered with some women from our church to talk about the fertility awareness method and to prayerfully surrender our hopes, fears, and plans to God regarding the growing of our families.

…hazel was a little needy and quick to tears for the afternoon and evening. food made it a little better. riding with mama in the ergo baby carrier for a while helped even more. and then the time spent nursing until drowsiness before bedtime was the final touch.

…tim made good progress in the bike shop, hanging more tools on the tool board. this following a day yesterday of incredible progress, thanks to the help of three friends and partners in the project.

…i did some diaper laundry. as i do every other day.

…we ate a good dinner using a new recipe. vegan because we’re trying to go off dairy. gluten-free because that’s how we always are. it was avocado-pea pasta if you were wondering. with a side of roasted squash. it was so pretty. and we’ve been eating well around her lately because i’ve had more energy to try new recipes, more longing for pretty, wholesome food.

… we took a little walk and ended up having a 30-minute conversation with some new-ish neighbors – jackie and her granddaughter princess and her friend mario. in conversation, which was quite pleasant, we covered vegetable gardening, jazz, religion, and africa. and jackie brought down some mango slices for hazel and princess to eat while they played on the sidewalk.

… tim went to our 14 year-old neighbor boy zachary’s choir concert this evening, to support him. and then straight to the neighborhood pub for a drink and some Getting Things Done accountability with our friend jeremy.

…i am a little bored right now and really want to go to bed, though it is only 9:15. but i’m going to sit on the porch with some lemonade, an oatcake, and a book instead.

 

how to thrift

i don’t mean to be presumptuous, but i consider myself a bit of a seasoned expert on the art of thrift store shopping (hereafter referred to as “thrifting,” a word not found in any dictionary). i’ve been doing it for well over a decade now. most of our home, and our bodies, are outfitted with thrift-store finds.

thrifting is wonderful for so many reasons. it saves money. it allows you to get a unique collection of things with which to beautify yourself and your home. it feels like treasure-hunting.

but the purpose of this post is not so much to sell you on why thrifting rocks. in fact, part of me would rather NOT sell it because i’m a little protective of my favorite thrift stores, and don’t want competition. but the fact is that we’re living in a depressed economy and lots of us can’t run right out to department stores and target to purchase the things we need for house and home. because of that — and because (cringe!) the thrifty “look” seems to be rising in popularity — i’ve been getting requests from people asking me how to “teach” them to thrift. so this is for those of you who’ve asked, as well as whomever else is reading.

Step 1. Prepare Your Mind. yes, you have to get your head in the game. it starts long before you actually walk through the door of a thrift store.

• know your style — have inspiration boards, color palettes, and an ability to recognize something as “you” or “not-you”. this allows you to go in and sort through all the racks and shelves of things with a compass. it’s not like retail shopping, where you can pick a store/company whose style resonates with you and so you know that almost everything they sell in their store will be something you like. this is like ALL the retail stores of the past 3 or 4 decades piled up in one place. you have to know how to sort through that. and you can’t sort through it unless you have a vision of what you’re going for. if you’re shopping for things for a room in your house, you should already have a vision of the feel, style, and functionality you want in that space. if you’re shopping for clothes, you should know what kind of image you want to portray, and what you’re comfortable in or not comfortable in.
• reduce the amount of ads and television you watch. if you are getting lots of exposure to shows/publications that would try to inform you of what the current/best styles are, you’re going to end up with a bar set so high — or just so differently — that you won’t be able to appreciate what’s right in front of you in the thrift store. don’t do things that keep you fixated on a pottery barn dream land because you probably won’t be able to make you house look quite like a pottery barn catalogue by shopping at thrift stores.  so keep your mind  uncluttered with things you’re “supposed” to want/need, and go with your gut, instead.
• keep a running list of things you want or need. this list might be a mental list or actually on paper or your iPod. but the list will contain things like a small container to hold your chip clips in a drawer in your kitchen, a basket to store some smaller baby toys on a shelf, a binder for the papers that you’ve been meaning to organize, a chair for that empty corner of the living room, a black dress coat to wear to work in the winter, a throw blanket in an accent color to enliven your living room, etc. now, rather than running out to Target to buy all of those things…
• be patient and wait for it! eventually most things on your list will appear, but you have to be able to delay gratification and know that the process of outfitting yourself or your home to exactly your taste will take months if not years. it’s a slow process, but that’s part of what makes it delicious. it’s like an ongoing game to find the next perfect piece for the artful landscape you are creating in your home, or the wardrobe that will feel, at last, like it’s really you.
• map out area thrift stores and notice which ones tend to be the best places to find certain genres of things (e.g., one is best for linens, another for clothes, and another for second-hand furniture). i have a list of about 7 that i frequent, plus a handful of others i occasionally pop in on. and no, i’m not going to give you my list. find your own.

Step 2. Go in Armed. 

• bring your list with you. yes, jot down on a small piece of paper the items you’re hoping to find and keep it in your pocket. it’s your shopping list. only you may not be able to find everything on it during one shopping trip.
• don’t buy it just because it’s cheap. it’s so tempting, particularly at first, to become so overwhelmed with happiness at a price tag that says .49 cents for a plate or $1.99 for a shirt, that you just want to purchase it all. but pause long enough to ask yourself if you really like it, or if it’s really just a rush because it’s such a good deal. if it’s not really for you, leave that great deal for someone else who will truly appreciate it.
• be honest with yourself. ask yourself, “will I actually use/wear this in the next 3 or 6 months?” and “do i already have a purpose in mind for this?” and “do i gravitate toward this shirt? will i want to put it on when i wake up in the morning?”  if the answer to those questions is no, you should probably put it back down and walk away. otherwise you’ll end up with a house full of clutter and your house will look like a thrift store, too. thrift stores are awesome, but not as a decorating theme.
• see potential, not just actuality. i have this sister-in-law (you know who you are) who is really crafty. when she shops at thrift stores, she is looking for raw materials for her projects. she’ll buy an old, ugly wool sweater so that she can cut it up, felt it, and turn it into a mug warmer or a diaper cover. she calls it repurposing and upcycling. i love it. it seems sort of in line with Kingdom values, too, i think. additionally, you have to sometimes take a minute with a thrift-store object in hand and begin to imagine what could be done with it if you altered it slightly — add a coat of paint? remove part of it? use it for something other than what it is intended for?
• bring a bag/box of items you’re done with and donate them. this is how we keep the thrift store love going… AND it’s how we manage to maintain simplicity in our home and lives. if we only shopped and accumulated we’d essentially be doing the same thing that retail-shopping addicts do: becoming materialistic. so we have a box or bag around the house at all times into which we deposit items that we’ve suddenly realized we aren’t using anymore, are tired of, or that doesn’t fit any longer. and then we take the bag/box to the thrift store and donate it before we shop.
• find out if the thrift store has discount days and take advantage of them. many thrift stores will have one day a week when everything is 50% off, or perhaps every Tuesday a certain color tag is discounted. so if you want even deeper discounts, intentionally shop on those days.

Step 3. Repeat. 

thrift often. you certainly shouldn’t feel compelled to buy something every time, but the turn-over is frequent, so keep stopping in to take a look.

 

may you be met with success!

finished: the baby’s room

small, grey-walled, and filled with unique items (antique, second-hand, hand-made). i’m rather pleased with how this small space has turned out, and cannot wait to introduce our little girl into it.

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making space for her

six more weeks until her estimated due date.

in the nursery, the walls are painted the softest gray, and the it now houses its furniture: crib, dresser, changing table. it also still houses the book-case and sewing cabinet that will NOT remain there (they’ll be moved to another room a bit later on). but even with the extra furniture all stuffed in that tiny room, i can begin to see what the space will be like, and it’s a serene and sunny spot that i think she and i will both love to linger in. the closet and dresser are filled with wee little clothes, some cloth diapers, soft toys, stuffed animals, blankets, burp cloths, art to hang on walls, booties, boppies, pack ‘n play, high chair, car seat… we’re pretty well set, minus a few remaining necessities.

last weekend we had two baby showers. i think that showers have gotten a bit silly and i often dread them because of things like games in which one creates a “poopy” diaper out of various chocolate foods. but mine were lovely, both. in each case, the room was filled with good, godly, loving women who love me, and who love my daughter already. and as if the presence and emotional support and wisdom and prayers aren’t enough, there were lots of gifts, too. wonderful gifts of every sort. many hands reached out to caress my belly, many voices spoke to her little ears, telling her of their excitement to meet her soon. ah, ’twas very sweet indeed.

and i have been nesting, just a bit. i was so impatient to get that furniture in the nursery. of course, i couldn’t do it myself because it violates all sorts of things-pregnant-women-ought-not-do rules, which meant that i had to wait on tim and friends to do the job for me. it’s really hard for me to wait on others sometimes, which is why in so many cases i end up just saying, “ah, forget it, i’ll do it myself!” but that wasn’t a possibility here, so i resolved to try to glean the rewards of that spiritual discipline we call waiting. anyway, the furniture is in now. and as i was waiting for it to come, i got out all the myriad stacks of baby clothing we’ve acquired and began to sort it into stacks by size. now the dresser and closest just contain clothes for size newborn through six months, and the six months through twelve month sizes are in a rubbermaid container in the basement, awaiting their day to shine. stacking all those tiny clothes into the drawers of my antique dresser was such a special thing.

and then i sewed. yes, i sewed. you may recall that i attempted to foster this hobby over a year ago, but that it sorta sputtered out. however, it seems that while i will not sew for myself, i will get motivated to sew for our baby. so i had a couple women friends over (you know who you are) and we set up our machines in the dining room, and gave each other pointers and encouragement and a helping hand while sipping tea and eating carrot dip on rice crackers. and that was enough to jump-start me. that day i finished a portable changing pad, and later velcro pouches for storing smaller items within the diaper bag, and a tiny pillow case for a tiny pillow. a few days later i used a tutorial for making crib sheets (thanks, jess, for pointing me that direction) and sewed two of ‘em, both from vintage bed sheets. that seemed easy enough so i found another tutorial for making a changing pad cover and sewed that up, too. yes, i’m unstoppable. later this week two other friends are coming by to have a sewing party (i think sewing is better in circles of other women), and then i’ll tackle the snuggler/swaddler pattern that i’ve been so eager to make, because kristen, who is an incredible seamstress, will be able to help me navigate those slightly more complicated waters. it makes me really happy to have some handmade things for our little one, and besides that, that things i’m making are more unique (one of a kind!) than anything i’d get in a store, and cheaper, too.

furthermore, i cannot contain my joy over the recent discovery that using reusable baby wipes — in addition to cloth diapers — will save us HUNDREDS of dollars over the course of the years our baby will be in diapers. seriously, it’s sick. you should take a look at this article that calculates it all out. i hadn’t seriously considered reusable wipes because, like all unknowns, it felt like a vaguely daunting task. but after reading this guide to creating your own reusable wipes system, and finding all the things i’d need for only $92, i totally sprang for it. and i got so excited about it all on the night i discovered this that i had trouble falling asleep.

i’m signing off now,

the mother-to-be who is in a flurry of happy nesting activity

 

spring coming

oh sun and crisp fresh air, warm enough to open up the windows a crack for a cross-breeze to flow, re-energizing these closed-up rooms; springy enough to inspire even me — the one who rarely cleans — to really scrub down the upstairs bathroom.

it will snow again, to be sure, and there will be many more very cold days before spring is here, but all the same, we’re moving in the direction. in fact, this weekend we all get to turn our clocks ahead one hour. isn’t this a hallmark of impending spring?

and as spring comes closer, so does the birth of my baby girl. even as i type this, she is gently turning in my belly. these days she’s not doing much developing except to gain weight and mature lungs, so that she’ll be cozy to hold and breathing free when she makes her appearance in about 10 weeks.

spring is bringing changes, brought by decisions made in response to my gut longings. it might be that getting closer and closer to the most instinctual, bodily act i may ever do (giving birth) is responsible for this. but my gut started to do some screaming about carving out a private space for our soon-to-be reconfigured family unit; it started hinting that this might be a season for drawing inward, circling the wagons, focusing all energy on new life (mine, baby’s, my marriage’s). and that started to mean that we needed to take a fresh look at our community living plans. see, we have this housemate, and she’s great (i don’t know if you could imagine a more thoughtful housemate), and she is here because we believe in the joy of shared life, not to mention the financial benefits for all parties. but she’s going to move herself out now, before the baby arrives, and for quite some time after this birth it will just be tim, me, and baby in this house. i know this is right.

and my gut also began to clamor for attention on the matter of where i would be giving birth, and with whom present. the end result of this is a revisiting of the home birth possibility, which is the way that i have always wanted it to be. but it seemed like an impossibility, so we made some compromises, compromises about which i’ve had growing dis-ease. as it turns out, there are some beautiful and capable home birth midwives so passionate about the right of women to give birth in their own homes, that they will work with you through bartering and payment plans and sliding fee scales in order to make it a reality. on monday tim and i will meet with one such midwife and one such doula, and i am very hopeful. deep runs the joy and relief that accompanies the thought of being in our own sweet, spirit-filled home while i labor and deliver.

and spring is reawakening me to some basic truths, as i study inner healing prayer (that gift the Holy Spirit saw fit to deposit in me and then to water and grow). like the truth that i’m an empty cup, lest i sit still before my Father to be filled. like the truth that intimacy with my Jesus is THE prize of my salvation, and the first priority, out of which all other ministry flows. like the truth that He wants me to KNOW Him before He wants me to DO for Him. this calls for some reordering of my days, in order to put in proper place that time sitting with Him. i know that i tend to seek Him mostly for marching orders or for provision. and He’s showing me that those are not to be the first things anymore.

come along, then, spring, we are ready for your new life.

meantime, i have some precious house guests to look forward to, the first set of which is going to be here any second: my dear little SIL, amanda, and her friend kelsey, driven in from madison to stay a few days over their spring break. and then, in a couple of weeks it’ll be all but one of tim’s brothers and their wives and kids, coming from pittsburgh, milwuakee, and madison. oh, joy, to pass some of this waiting season in their company.

marriage, motherhood, & ministry

 

walking hand in hand (by www.rejoyphotography.com)

i have the house to myself. entirely. and at least three hours before our 11 year-old neighbor matthew will come knocking the door wanting help with his geometry homework, and then to borrow the long board. and because tomorrow has a couple of non-sabbath-y commitments, i’m taking my sabbath solo today. i’m reading and writing.

i stumbled upon a blog this morning, through another blog that i read, and i’ve been going through it for the last 30 minutes at least. the writer is a mother of seven and a photographer and HOT. her life appears picture perfect* in aesthetics and joy. i had to fight feeling of inferiority and envy as i read; to try to believe that her true and beautiful words about being a wife and a mother are a genuine part of her. but she slammed me with the bits about putting her husband first. she writes that the family started with 2 — he and she — and will be 2 again, once the kids have gone, so put due weight on that relationship.

even without kiddos (yet), i don’t do this well. i do not love tim well. so often i just don’t even see him, let alone let my thoughts and prayers linger over him, asking questions like what would make him feel loved, or communicate to him that i respect and appreciate him? do i brag him up in the presence of others? do i surprise him with extravagant affection? can i even hold eye contact with him in a way that is open and vulnerable? i’m startled sometimes by all the walls i find in myself, erected between my heart and his. this is not what i want. but i sense in myself an intense struggle of resistance, pride, stubbornness, and independence. lots of times the wrong side wins.  it’s uglies. oh, so many uglies.

sometimes i just want to cry at the sort of wife i am. if i am honest, i thought being a wife would be easy and natural, because i had so much confidence in the rightness of my choice to marry him (and the clear and abundant direction of God in leading us together). but that was a lie, i see now. sure, it’s still easy and natural in the sense that i rarely tire of his presence, and i am generally pleased with who he is and this life we’re creating together. but oh, the uglies!: they don’t get eradicated from my personality simply because i’ve married the right man.

walk it out, work it out. that’s what we do in our salvation (phil 2:12), how much the same in marriage, i presume. i’ve received in faith a thing complete, a marriage given by God and received in the taking of vows — but i still have to work it out. walk it out.

in six months we’ll be parents. i think about the urgency, then, of building out of our marriage something solid, hanging on the scaffolding of real relationship with Jesus and one another, a pattern of obeying the direction of the Spirit, and a rightly ordered habit of life-giving disciplines. i’m looking at my life and my marriage, and seeing lack in these places. naturally i want to study parenting and homemaking. i want to make lovely, holistic, “crunchy” choices for this babe and for this household**. i can get real ambitious about the task that lies ahead, and doing it beautifully. but the first things. the first things are that scaffolding.

i think i can feel the delicate maneuvering of His surgeon’s knife entering my heart as i read and reflect this morning. come, Jesus, and have your way. i trust Your knife.

you know what else i can get hung up on? as if it is not enough to be called into holy, surrendered, and sacrificial wifehood and motherhood, we are also called into incarnational and transformational presence in a neighborhood ruled by darkness, plus committed to intentional and deep family-like relationship with the community God has given us to do the work with. truthfully, i’m not sure i can do all of that — and do it well — simultaneously! there will always be someone who loses out — my struggling neighbor, a friend in this community, or my husband and family. i think someone will always be getting less of me than they deserve, and less than i what i expect from myself. and i don’t know how to prioritize it well.

i am often plagued by guilt about missing chances to grow in friendship with the intern family, or forgetting to follow up with a hurting neighbor… and i get zealous about doing those things better, because it’s in my heart to do them. and i think it ends up being tim who gets the short end of the stick a lot of the time. why? because he’s a guarantee? because he has to love me no matter what? because somehow it doesn’t seem as glamorous or significant to love a wonderful, healthy man (who doesn’t “need” me) in my own home as to minister to a person who’s sleeping under a bridge or an intern who is feeling lonely and sad?

paul wrote about this: the division of priorities that occurs when you marry. he knew that being married makes you a bit less able to be devoted to the Lord in lots of practical ways. and that’s why he said, “it might be better if you were to stay single!” (i corinthians 7:34-35). sometimes, i feel the ache of those divided interests. because it is true that i could enter more single-mindedly into some of this other kingdom work before i was married. it is also true that my intimacy with Jesus was different in those days — more spouse-like and all the sweeter for being the Only Love. and i miss it.

yet here is another thing that i know: our marriage is to be like a great, spreading tree, with a trunk of intimacy and worship, and plenty of space for birds to make nests in its branches and animals to rest in its shade. this is a picture He gave to us in the earliest days, before we were even married. so, he has purposes for this union, i know. i believe it. and i believe that over time, as we yield to Him, we’ll get to see it worked out in us. and it will be gorgeous. and He will be pleased (indeed, He already is).

it always comforts me to recall:

1. that he is never shocked or dismayed by the uglies in my heart, nor by the particulars of my circumstances
2. that he is committed — to a greater extent than i — to the holiness of my marriage, my motherhood, and my ministry.

meantime, i’m fumbling along here.

i’m want to be real, so i’m writing these oft unspoken things. (thanks to megan, whose blog i “found” today, for risking real-ness, which invited out my own).

——————————-

footnotes:

*her life appears perfect, but her stated position on that matter is this: “There is nothing lasting that is going to come out of anything I can do to try to ‘perfect’anything in or with my children except me being in right relationship, true relationship, with Jesus Christ. Don’t fall in love with those things you think will make your family a better family. Don’t fall in love with the image. Don’t fall in love with those people who seem to have all the right answers. Fall in love with Jesus.”

**the holistic, “crunchy” choices i want to make include, but are not limited to:  bake my own bread, roast my own coffee, plant a garden that will feed us, sew my own linens, wear our baby, read to him/her daily, incorporate many caring adults into our childrens’ daily lives, make baby food, co-sleep, breast-feed, discipline with the wisest methods, give birth without drugs, and give the baby only carefully crafted toys.

so it begins (rhythms and relationships in stockbridge)

almost three weeks now since we got the keys to this house. and only 2 nights that we’ve slept here. the first i slept horribly. these floors — because we live in what tim calls a dr. Seuss house — are so crooked that the furniture leans this way and that. we’re learning this house. i feel like we’re uncovering it, and what it was meant to be. it seems like a cross between farm-house and cottage suits it well.

some of our things seem like they were made for this house. they tuck just perfectly into certain spaces and our antique, road-side/thrift-store furniture feels so at home in a house built around the turn of the 19th century. so even with all the boxes and curtain rods and tools still scattered around the living areas, i can see that this is going to be lovely when it’s all finished.

today we are making room. (well, tim is doing this while i rest because i seem to have caught claire’s cold). we are making room for sarah jayne and for crystal, who will come to live here with us within the next week, i think. crystal’s room just needs the trim painted and blinds put up. sarah’s needs the wall patches completed, the tools/equipment cleared out, the walls painted, the door re-hung, and a curtain made. and then they will be here. and we will learn to “take care of each other” as the robert louis stevenson quote hanging on our fridge door says.

behind our house and across the alley is an empty little house with a small back porch and it appears that steve and dave and joe oakes and joe black and a couple other guys i don’t yet know have made it their resting spot, their dry place, their sleeping place. some days i walk to the rear of our yard and stand at the fence and talk with them. they’re so welcoming, so glad to see me back and to meet my husband. and in the mornings, before the Family Pantry starts selling alcohol, they are sober enough to have real decent human conversations with. steve says that one day he’d like to sober up and come visit us. i didn’t tell him this was a prerequisite to visiting our home, but he seems to know that that would be respectful. i hope he’ll do it.

watching tim at the Love Feasts has been sweet. he’s getting to know these crazy beautiful neighbors. this past week he worked at the “intercessory table” — a little station we’ve set up to allow people to come bring their prayer requests on folded pieces of paper to drop into a box, which will later be opened by the SBR family and prayed through, and at which folks can come to receive prayer in real-time. he had a steady little stream of men come to sit with him, to talk, and to pray.  my old pal Derek (alias Green Mile) met tim and upon learning he was my husband, told tim that he’d like to come to our house and make us a meal one day.

yesterday afternoon, after the Nitty Gritty meeting with Tony and all the SBR interns, charla walked with me to our credit union so i could get a rent check made, and we walked and talked all the way back to our house where she came in for tea. she was my first tea guest. and this is one of the reasons i’m so happy to be back: the nearness of charla and the rest of this family.and i love it because of people like marcy, who is also new to the neighborhood, but not to this family, and who walks the neighborhod almost daily with her dog mya and sometimes one of her children and always stops in to see how we’re doing in our house projects.

this morning was the first Intern Breakfast of the season. there we all were: jordan, coop, charla, paula, chelsea, tim, me, and all the tenderos (we are missing danmike, who is in scotland, and charis, who had to go to work). to look around the table at these faces, and to laugh together at classic neighborhood stories, and to share tony’s frittatas and jenn’s homemade granola… well, i’m home. the faces around the table are different ones than a year ago, but i choose them. i choose to be committed to unity, co-laboring, laughter, prayer for, and sharing with these friends. joyfully.

i am looking forward to nestling in close with Jesus this autumn, once the dust has settled and we return to rhythms.  i am hungry for Him, but have been far off. i have been so preoccupied with getting things done. it’s time to draw near again. with expectancy instead of fear of disappointment, with belief instead of cynicism. and to ask Him for His dreams for this neighborhood and this community. and to ask Him to live through me with the sort of potency of love and truth that we all need (not just the neighbors, but this family, too).

i plan to bake muffins tomorrow and take them to all the neighbors on our block (yes, the kitchen is completely set up; it’s very sweet.) i plan to pick up my camera again soon and start showing you what my eyes see in this place. i am praying for His choice of one or two other women to get really real with in this season — to mutually nurture and exhort one another.

after prayer walking last night, we made our first dinner here and as we lingered at the table, tim spontaneously stated, “i love the richness of our new life here.” amen. we don’t have to go far to find our mission field, he said, and we have these quality relationships right around the corner.

resting now…

ps: there is mint growing in our back yard. and a raspberry bush from the neighbor’s, which spills over to our yard. steve told me there’s a pear tree in the alley behind Family Pantry, too. sweet.

pps: jenn’s opening post for this new season

glad to see domesticity making a come-back

i am so glad that this generation is taking back domesticity and the work of home.

i am so glad that it is no longer seen as degrading or slightly embaressing to want to concern oneself with the matters of keeping a house. that now, to knit, to sew, to bake, to cook, to clean, to organize, to decorate… these are now entirely valid expressions of femininity, even in many whom would call themselves feminists.

i am glad to be allowed to listen to those parts in me that long for a rich home life, without so many conflicting voices telling me i oughtn’t want such things.

because:

i like the smell of yeast bread baking,

i love the texture of fabrics waiting to be remade into something useful,

i relish the aromas and colors of a home-cooked dinner,

i enjoy the meditative quality of redundant tasks such as folding laundry or washing dishes, and

i am blessed to have folks over and set them down in a beautiful and calm place to rest.

yes, domesticity is making a come-back: culturally, i believe, but also in my own heart.

a small house in the country

tonight i am dreaming of a small brick house in the country,

with a garden full of fruit and flowers,

and a lovely, light-filled kitchen from which

will come tastey things to eat.

tonight the quiet and crickets of that scenario entice me,

and i feel cozy at the thought of the solitude,

the sewing, the baking, the photographing, the reading,

the strolling through gardens in cool afternoons with clean air,

with my husband and children alone as company.

tonight it sounds attractive to have that space

to re-examine, to find our bearings, to perfect our love,

to bask and rest in the Father’s love without pressure to minister.

i am hard on myself to the extent that

even as i’m dreaming of this scenario i am

also judging myself for it’s sharp contrast to

the city life among the poor, with door open to homeless friends

(that picture i’ve thought that our life would be about).

it is odd to yearn for a thing so completely other than that,

and i wonder what my soul is asking me to pay attention to there,

what the Father might have to speak into that.

i am not too proud to change course, nor to do

something other than what i have always said that i would do,

because sometimes i make resolutions He hasn’t asked me to make, and

it’s possible such a move might be faithful to His nudges

(i will not rule out that possibility).